Lost in Locali[s|z]ation

You just touched down at the Australian National Airport. You’re champing at the bit to experience the fully sick country you’ve heard so much about. But before you disembark, or just plain deplane, here’s a couple of warnings. First off, we speak English with a conspicuous lack of any accent. Such phonetic purity can be disorienting at first to visitors, like you, who’ve spent their lives immersed in a national or regional dialect.

After your awe wears off, however, a second culture shock awaits you: the brands you trust are nowhere to be seen! (If it makes you feel any better, newly-paroled Aussies suffer exactly the same disappointment on arrival in non-Australian territory, mutatis mutandis.)

But The Berg has good news for a change. You read right, reader: it’s not as bad as you thought.

The truth is, all the big names are still around—they’ve just been renamed. Here are the corporate Australianisms that trip most people up on their maiden voyage Down Here.

International EnglishAustralian English
Burger KingHis Majesty, The Royal Burger Consort
Latin FeverConvulsions The Nightclub
Chunder’s™ FoodChandarsubramania with Chef Chandarsubramaniam
Cheap Dragon BYOB Eat-In N TakeoutNiggardly Dragon BYO Dine In & Takeaway*
Schindler’s ElevatorsSchinLiftCorp LLC
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s StoneHarry Potter and the Philosophy Midterm
Asian in a Storage ContainerThai in a Box
Hooters, Inc., Family RestaurantsLarge Tips or Bust!
La Giardia Italian Eat’N’DashLa Giardia Gastro Pubs
The Drug LordThe Pharmacy King

For better or worse (and we can safely rule out the former), there’s nothing much any of us can do about this megacorporate habit. According to a 2015 survey in Business Weekly, the most common excuses for rebranding were:

• political correctness gone perfectly sensible
• to avoid any risk of  hilarity in a world that’s more deeply divided along dialectical fault-lines than ever
• to respect local religious, cultural and ethnic groups, especially the violent ones
• leading US brands “look funny” from the left side of the road
• forget everything you thought you knew about chicken that was fried in Kentucky ■

*This pioneer and icon of Sino-Yiddish fusion cuisine traded as The Jewish Dragon until 1972, when the owners finally bowed to community outkvetch and chose the name we’re familiar with today.


1 thought on “Lost in Locali[s|z]ation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s